Thursday, December 28, 2023

Weekly Update. Happy New Year!

 



How was everyone's Christmas? I went to my cousin's house and had a nice time. It felt good to catch up with everyone. Christmas Eve wasn't as nice, as I was feeling sentimental and emotional about family members who are no longer here or able to visit. Christmas just isn't the same anymore, but that happens to everyone as they get older. I just have to make the best of it and to continue to build new relationships in my life.

I'm still continuing to improve. I don't feel quite so angry about my situation/mental health issues anymore, which is a huge step for me. I'm practicing repeating empowering (independance-related) and confidence-building affirmations which is very helpful. It helps me see things (even visualize it) in a new perspective.

I also don't feel as frustrated about finding a writing or influencing/social media job since I've been getting a lot of invitations recently from Upwork. I also applied to a bunch of jobs there over the past week. I'm thankful for anything I can get, as long as it's steady work.

I put my self-help book on hold at the moment, as I don't feel ready yet to get it out there. I feel like I still have more work to do on myself, as well as more research. But I'm currently writing a picture book that's about shyness/social anxiety which will be coming out later in 2024. I really hope that it helps someone.

Have a happy and healthy new year! Best wishes for 2024.


Thursday, December 21, 2023

Weekly Update

 



I'm feeling a bit more festive now. My family and I made some plans for Christmas day and I'm looking forward to that. Sometimes you have to make the extra effort to reach out to more people or create new plans.

What is everyone's favorite Christmas movies? I watch The Nutcracker every year (I sometimes see it in person as well by the Syracuse City Ballet); it never gets old! Talk about true holiday magic and whimsical scenery. I also have my comedy favorites like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and Christmas with the Kranks. I love staying in on a cold night and curling up by the fire with popcorn or hot chocolate and watching a Christmas movie. It's so fun and relaxing.

I'm still pretty new at this blogging and mental health influencing thing. Let me know if you have any suggestions on topics you want me to write about. I'm mostly writing updates on my own life dealing with mental health issues and being in recovery. I thought it might help people be able to relate to my experiences.

As I've said before, I've made a lot of progress over the past couple years, especially the past few months, but I'm still frustrated that I'm not where I want to be yet. People have told me to be patient and focus on how far I've come, but I've been struggling daily for over two decades now. I just want to put all of this behind me and move on. To become more independent (I'm almost 38 now) and more social/have less social anxiety. Financial (and emotional) independence is what I am the most frustrated with. I have limitations when it comes to working. My goal is to work full-time from home as a writer and influencer. Unfortunately it takes a while with these kinds of jobs to build up a following and find jobs that are a good fit. Especially when I don't have an English degree or social media certification. I have a new local job coach I'm waiting to hear back from so hopefully she'll have some suggestions for me.

Hope you all have a great holiday weekend! ♡

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Weekly Update


The past week has been going generally well, but I do feel that sense of the "holiday rush" (sometimes picked up from other people!) and wishing Christmas was how it used to be when I was growing up (everything was so simple back then, right?!). Unfortunately that just isn't realistic; people get older, people move on, people sometimes move away, and family and friends don't always get along. It's just a part of  the circle of life and dealing with human nature.

So I've been trying to bring out some holiday cheer through little things here and there: decorating, baking Christmas cookies while listening to holiday music, sending out some Christmas cards (unfortunately it's lost its popularity throughout the years), and wearing festive jewelry and outfits. Sometimes you have to create new holiday traditions and reach out to different people. Or try to mend old broken ties. Do what feels right for you, and don't base it on what you feel you "should" do as suggested by other people or society. Be compassionate and extra gentle with yourself. In addition to holiday stress, the winter lack of sunlight and the harsh weather (especially where I live in Central New York!) is another common frustration. That's why now is the perfect time to put in the extra effort into your self-care routine. Go easy on yourself when you're feeling emotional or lack motivation. It's perfectly normal and okay. Take breaks when you need it to rest and decompress. Setting boundaries and not overworking or being a perfectionist is essential.

For me I find that it's easy to get distracted this time of year with all of the busyness and emotions running high, so I have to remind myself to practice my daily self-care routine (I especially enjoy saying positive affirmations and using creative visualization). The past few days I have made sure to spend some times prioritizing (I love making lists of everything!). Self-care always comes first. As the saying goes, "you can't pour from an empty cup." If I'm not feeling well, how can I expect to get anything done or enjoy conversations with other people? Writing this list down helped me feel less overwhelmed by everything I've been trying to fit in the past few weeks.

Especially with job searching for online writing opportunities (I strongly suggest you spend no more than an hour at a time researching. I made the mistake last week of going overboard and ended up completely overwhelmed and ready to give up altogether!). Speaking of which, I created some new freelance mental health and wellness blogging and marketing services through Upwork if anyone's interested!

Links:

Blogging Services

Instagram Marketing


Warmest wishes for a peaceful and enjoyable holiday season~

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

I Have to be Honest...

 



I have to be honest. As much as I go on about the importance of loving oneself, I'm not quite there yet. I'm more at a point of self-acceptance, and even that is stretching it a bit. But you want to know something? It has still made a world of difference. I used to be on the very opposite end of the spectrum: I hated myself. This is no exaggeration, and it went on for decades. I developed many self-destructive habits as a teenager and throughout my twenties. So it's no wonder that it's been extremely difficult to make it to the other side. But I am getting there, step by step. I'm working extra hard at the moment. My goal is to be confident enough that I am stable with my emotions and to become self-sufficient and independent. This is a huge thing for me. I have a mental health disability and haven't been lucky enough to still be fully or mostly-functioning. I am determined that this ends now and that I will make a complete turnaround soon. 

I owe it to my readers (I can see I'm beginning to get some more views! Hopefully I will get subscribers soon) to be honest about my struggles and not give off the impression that I'm fully recovered and that things are becoming easy for me. Easier, yes. But certainly not easy.

Here's to new beginnings 🌠🌈🌟🩷💕

Monday, December 4, 2023

My Weekly Mental Health Update

 



I have made a lot of progress over the past two years in dealing with my mental health issues. My moods weren't always stable though, and I relapsed for a few days from time to time. But overall I've been slowly improving. 

I made sort of a breakthrough a few weeks ago. I learned what the trigger was behind my anxiety and BPD, and how to effectively get beyond the intrusive thoughts. What's behind my fears are the need for control, acceptance, identity/independence, feeling safe, and to be able to communicate and express my feelings to others (as well as myself). I'm learning more about self-love and self-care. As I explained in my previous entry, I realized that true self-love is loving myself unconditionally. I learned, with the help of my therapist, that your core identity, your true self, is who you are on the inside. It isn't based upon your outer circumstances, roles, or how successful you see yourself at something. It's who you are as a person. What great qualities do you have? Are you a good friend and listener, are you kind, generous, or compassionate? Are you understanding and accepting of other people? These are all examples of who we are on the inside. It's what's in our heart and soul.

I'm learning how to love all parts of myself, even when I feel like I don't measure up in life. Or when I don't feel talented enough, or feeling behind in my life's journey. Once I began accepting and caring for myself, my anxiety, fear/phobias and frustration immediately lessened. What has helped especially for me is repeating self-confidence affirmations, using creative visualization/relaxing visuals, and daily positive self-talk. 

I am striving towards fulfillment and being comfortable and content in life, however that will look. I'm trying not to compare myself with those who seem happier or more "successful" than me. Everyone has their own unique journey and struggles to overcome. 

I've had a very long and difficult journey, but perhaps it's part of my calling. I've always felt different than other people, with more intense and complicated feelings and a lot of insecurities. Hopefully I can turn that into something good someday by helping other people who are struggling. I am praying that I will continue to improve and eventually get to where I want to be in life: filled with inner peace, surrounded by love, and bursting with creativity. After all, that's who I really am.