My Weekly Mental Health Update

 

I have made a lot of progress over the past two years in dealing with my mental health issues. My moods weren't always stable though, and I relapsed for a few days from time to time. But overall I've been slowly improving. 

I made sort of a breakthrough a few weeks ago. I learned what the trigger was behind my anxiety and BPD, and how to effectively get beyond the intrusive thoughts. What's behind my fears are the need for control, acceptance, identity/independence, feeling safe, and to be able to communicate and express my feelings to others (as well as myself). I'm learning more about self-love and self-care. As I explained in my previous entry, I realized that true self-love is loving myself unconditionally. I learned, with the help of my therapist, that your core identity, your true self, is who you are on the inside. It isn't based upon your outer circumstances, roles, or how successful you see yourself at something. It's who you are as a person. What great qualities do you have? Are you a good friend and listener, are you kind, generous, or compassionate? Are you understanding and accepting of other people? These are all examples of who we are on the inside. It's what's in our heart and soul.

I'm learning how to love all parts of myself, even when I feel like I don't measure up in life. Or when I don't feel talented enough, or feeling behind in my life's journey. Once I began accepting and caring for myself, my anxiety, fear/phobias and frustration immediately lessened. What has helped especially for me is repeating self-confidence affirmations, using creative visualization/relaxing visuals, and daily positive self-talk. 

I am striving towards fulfillment and being comfortable and content in life, however that will look. I'm trying not to compare myself with those who seem happier or more "successful" than me. Everyone has their own unique journey and struggles to overcome. 

I've had a very long and difficult journey, but perhaps it's part of my calling. I've always felt different than other people, with more intense and complicated feelings and a lot of insecurities. Hopefully I can turn that into something good someday by helping other people who are struggling. I am praying that I will continue to improve and eventually get to where I want to be in life: filled with inner peace, surrounded by love, and bursting with creativity. After all, that's who I really am.